Trash Pile
by Sallad24601
Summary: Abby takes a look back on her childhood, revealing why she could never bring herself to let herself cry until it brings her to where all she can manage to do is that very thing.
1. Abigail

**A/N: Random fic that I got the idea for while watching a random episode of the Mentalist on TV. There was a quote on there that reminded me of Abby, so this happened! Lol Sorry for not posting in a while, I've not been doing much writing lately, and what I have done has been for ThreeCoo-CooClocks. Hope you all enjoy reading as much as I did writing!**

**Spoilers up to 3.3**

* * *

"Abs, I found a stuffed lizard! What should I do with it?" Connor called across the flat, balancing the toy atop his greasy, combed head. They were cleaning out Abby's broom closet that she'd been using as storage space. Connor had demanded that he have SOME space to store his things, especially since he was being forced to sleep on the couch, and she had consented.

Abby paused a moment. "Just throw it in the trash pile," she finally answered.

* * *

She ran to her room, holding in the tears. Grabbing the dress and throwing it on over her clothes, she wiped back the wet drops that tried to run down her cheeks. Her dolls were all set in place, still sitting there from the last time she enacted her little skit. She positioned herself and began quietly mumbling a song as she walked slowly towards the stuffed lizard in a suit. "Here comes the bride"

The door slammed open. "What do you think you're doing?" he yelled.

"I'm playing," she answered simply, tears still welling up of their own account.

"Not in that dress, you're not. Give me it." She stared at him weakly. "Give it to me!" He reached forward and tore it off of her, ripping the seams at the back.

"No!" she pleaded, falling to her knees from the force.

"Too late! You should've listened to me when you had the chance."

"That was the one nice thing I had" he began, but she cut him off.

"Don't call me "Abigail'."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Abby had never shown any signs of aggression before, but something had apparently snapped inside her. "Now listen here, young lady! You'll do what I say, and that's a fact, or else I'll go and bother your brother! You wouldn't like that much, would you?" She put her hands on her hips stubbornly, but she knew better than to say something more that would get Jack in trouble. "If you ever do anything like this again, you _will_ regret it…" His rant continued, but Abby didn't pay attention. She was lost in her own thoughts.

_He's never going to stop… How long have Jack and I been living like this, and it's only gotten worse. It's time I stood up for myself… For both of us._ She made a decision, one she should have made a long time ago: learn to protect herself and her brother, both physically and mentally. The best way she could think of to stand up for herself physically was to learn how to fight, which would be easy enough - she had always been athletic - but the mental part would be a bit more difficult. She could only think of one thing to adequately protect herself from mental abuse, and that was to learn total emotional detachment. That started with never letting her tears show.

* * *

Of all the times for her to barge in, she chose this one moment. Caroline and Connor started making their way towards the door of Abby's flat. Abby knew she looked horrible after being dragged underwater and hanging off a cliff, but the last thing on her mind now was how she looked. Connor made his choice, and he chose to go with Caroline. Abby turned her back to the steps.

For the first time since she remembered, she allowed herself to cry. Instantly, her entire body shook with the sobs. The one person in this whole world that she dared to trust at all chose to walk out the door, abandoning her not an hour after claiming to care about her. Connor said something to her, and she managed to compose herself enough to turn around, smile, and say whatever sounded right. She really wasn't paying attention at the moment.

"Abby, you look absolutely exhausted. You really must let me talk to you about make-up sometime!" Caroline added to an already frustrating day. They were nearly out the door, having left Abby upstairs alone, when Caroline remembered something else. "And Abigail?" she called.

"Don't call me 'Abigail'." Abby responded, not caring to be polite just now. Caroline simply raised her eyebrows and walked outside, receiving an unnoticed glare from Connor which Abby would never see.

* * *

_**Very short second chapter soon to come! My first non-one-shot because I rarely have the diligence to write a story long enough for more than one chapter. Lol Hope you liked it so far!**_


	2. Stuffed Lizard

Connor heard some noise coming from the bathroom. He knocked on the door, only to receive a harsh "Go away, Connor!" through a cracking voice. He tried opening the door, but it was locked.

"Abby, please let me in. I can help if you let me."

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no, Connor! Leave me alone!" She wasn't going to open the door until she was ready, but Connor had an idea...

* * *

After a few hours of sitting on the floor leaning against the wall next to the door, his brilliant plan seemed to lose its appeal. But his patience was rewarded when he heard the doorknob turn behind him. Abby was finally ready to talk. "You were out here the entire time?" She sniffed.

"Yup. Figured you could use the company when you came out. I know all I wanted to do was curl up in your arms and sob, so..."

She scoffed. "That's what you did, Conn." He chuckled lightly. "How did you get over it so quickly? You just... you cried right away and... You were done in three days. It's Cutter... He's gone, and..."

"It's hard to accept?"

"Yeah. I just don't know how you got through it so well." She sniffed again.

Instead of answering her, he just took his hands out from behind his back. "Here." He handed Abby a stuffed lizard. "Thought this could help."

Her eyes grew wide. "I told you to throw this out…"

"Well, I didn't listen, did I? Figured if Abby Maitland still had a stuffed toy after all these years, it must be pretty special."

"I used to play with it when I was younger... I'd play wedding, and he'd be the groom. Used to have a suit and everything, but I lost it years ago... I didn't want you to think I could get sentimental about a toy, so I told you to throw it out... I missed this silly old thing."

"What changed about it? You're telling me the entire story of it now. Warming up to me?" he joked, trying to make her smile.

She punched his arm and clutched the toy to her chest. He winced but said nothing. "... Thanks, Conn. For saving it."

"Of course, Abs."


End file.
